Elk Mountain is some bullshit. We've established this.
But maybe we just weren't prepared for it last time? Surely with more food, better sleep, more water, and a cooler day, Elk Mountain would be less bullshit?
Nope, Elk Mountain is bullshit. It's a load of bullshit. Elk Mountain deserves nothing but pain and anguish. Elk Mountain has no friends, because Elk Mountain is a giant piece of smelly dingus.
Elk Mountain was picked last for the dodgeball team and targeted first by every single member of both teams. Elk Mountain is a giant piece of donkey ass that has fallen off the donkey, rotted for 3 weeks in a dumpster, then farted.
Elk Mountain should be a new way to describe someone being a shithead. Cut someone off in traffic? Stop being such an Elk Mountain. Harass someone on the street? Quit it, Elk Mountain. Won't shut up about your cats to a co-worker? Go to hell you stupid Elk Mountain.
I hope the giant Cascadia Earthquake hits, but only hits Elk Mountain. All 9.5 of it concentrated on that stupid asshole mountain. I want it to be reduced to paste so the summit is actually downhill. I hope if the nukes start flying, they are all magnetically attracted to Elk Mountain and obliterate it.
Elk Mountain climbs roughly 2788 feet in 1.4 miles. Each step is like stepping in dog poop. This is the nicest compliment on this page.
THERE AREN'T EVEN ANY GODDAMN ELK ON ELK MOUNTAIN. Elk aren't stupid enough to walk up this dumb piece of shit .
Elk Mountain is when your boss walks in just as you are about to leave and drops immediate work on you.
Elk Mountain is when you have to take a shit all day, but every time you try, it doesn't come out, until you have to drive home and suddenly it comes out in the car.
Elk Mountain is dog farts, every day, 2 inches from your face, forever.
Elk Mountain is the 5th circle of hell. The 5th circle is violence. Violence against fun hikes.
Elk Mountain is a horrible upset of your favorite sports team, and then the team goes defunct, then taxes you to buy a new stadium even though they won't play there.
Elk Mountain is falling down the stairs. From the top of the empire state building. As the entire staircase is covered in bird poop. Fresh bird poop. And you have the flu at the time.
Elk Mountain is getting punched by Mike Tyson over and over again, after he bites off both your ears, in an active volcano.
Elk Mountain is being stuck in a tumble dryer with two rabid raccoons on Bath Salts
Elk Mountain is being eaten by a dinosaur in Jurassic park. But not the good Jurassic park. Jurassic Park 3. On betamax. And then you get pooped out and eaten by a different dinosaur from that shitty Disney dinosaur movie that everyone forgot about. Then THAT dinosaur poops you out, and then Mel Gibson rolls around in the poop pile you have become, talking all the while about how much he hates Jews.
Elk Mountain is getting your dick caught in a woodchipper, multiple times
Elk Mountain is being placed in a brass bull torture device and while you burn to a crisp a small TV inside plays a poorly color-corrected Young Sheldon in HD
Elk Mountain is finding out you have AIDS, the Plague, and leprosy, and then the doctor injects you with ebola just for funsies
Elk Mountain is hiking data that LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE THE DEVIL.
Fuck Elk Mountain.
Never going to climb this piece of shit again.
Here's some pictures